Another Step Forward...

 My life is about to take a great shift.  Shifting forward by engaging the memories of my past.  Habits that I look forward to leaning on and new ones to unfold.  My yearning for peace is a place where I am stalking birds, hearing nature or dancing to my latest favorite song on repeat.  I wish to be barefoot in the soft vibrant grass, but Florida "grass" is a different species than what my Michigan toes are used to, so my slides will stay on and be watchful for the ants.  

In the months to come I will close a chapter of my life, and begin anew, alone.  Mind you, alone in the sense that I am my own "Back Up Plan", financially.  I am blessed to be surrounded and supported by an amazing village of creative, smart mouthed, sassy, caring, and loving village.  The ability to ask for help is hard for me to do, and my village knows it.  They have assured me they will just show up, even if I tell them "I don't want to bother you", "Please don't give up your time", and all with tears in my eyes. 

    

She made it! Adulthood

 She made it!  She graduated high school in one piece (minus Godzilla) and relatively in the right head space (or at least how to recognize and help it out as needed).  This blog was to track the comings and goings of a first time mom.  Well like me (the great procrastinator, 14 years later), I am here to attempt to script the journey.  I will reminisce the good, the bad, the uncertain, the scary, the hilarious, and most importantly the journey of mothering. 

Stay tuned...What really is empty nesting?  Is it the final cut of the proverbial umbilical cord. Damn it hurts harder than that first day of preschool. 

We survived...I survived.

I survived the dreaded absence of my little lady on Thursday. I know she went to school on Tuesday and Wednesday but I dropped her off at daycare, which is routine. Thursday I handed her off to her teacher, her first ever can't be replaced teacher. My heart sank as I walked away from the classroom where the teacher had to peel her off my hip, but I survived. As I drove by her classroom window there she stood alone waving, waiting to bid adieu to me. Was this her way of assuring me or my way of assuring her that we will be okay? She is a "daycare" kid; she goes to church school on Sunday this is not out of her norm, but this adorable little lady had just tore out all my emotions and I cried. I know I am with just about every other parent with this scenario.

I had a complete list of "to-do's" to check while I had my afternoon free. Well I managed to complete none of them and watched a sad and glad to be done series finale of "Kate Plus Eight". I don't normally watch TV let alone reality TV, so for me to waste 45 minutes watching something as poor as that show, well I call it my little self-pity-party-of-one. I was so excited to pick my little lady up that I was early enough to get a few minutes of reading in before going in to get her.

May I trip, stumble, learn, and grow.

With the first day of preschool looming in our home we are trying to contain our excitement. Cherrios, milk, a few lavender cookies and cartoon watching ensue on the comfort of our couches. Beneath the zipper of her Hello Kitty backpack contains, crayons, colored pencils, glue, and Clorox Wipes. I ponder what creations will adorn our art gallery in the kitchen. I anticipate the stories that will be told, the friends she will make, and the amazing personality that will thrive into a beautiful little lady.

One thing I wasn't expecting was having "me" time. At this point in my life I was expecting to have more babies and/or be working full time at something I was passionate about. Well I work part-time for two awesome people. I absolutely love working for these people and I enjoy my jobs. I worked once upon a time as a paralegal/ legal secretary in various law offices and a government agency. My light was quickly burnt out due to lack of self satisfaction in my daily work. I believe that we are the only ones that can change our lives. I don't believe someone is constantly given a "sour spoon" in life. As for more babies that is a story for a different day.

My goal for my day-off is to extend my helping hand, ensue my adventurous side, take the steps to go back to school for my master's degree, and to take back myself. May I trip, stumble, learn, and grow.